Our journey to having a baby!

I'm going to warn you now, before this post goes any further. You are going to be reading into something that is VERY personal, and you may just get to much information. Some of you may be offended, some of you may understand, some of you may try to understand, for our benefit please whatever you do, DON'T tell us that you understand our pain, it truly doesn't help our situation at all. Another warning is this will probably be a very long post, as it is a post that we struggle with daily, and we have yet to give out each and every detail as we are going to now! And so it begins...

After being married for under a year, we headed to the Dr for a yearly exam on Jo, we went together even though Darin was not excited for the venture. We were also going to discuss with the Dr why we can't seem to get pregnant on our own! The day came and went and with it came an order for a Semen Analysis for Darin, he did the test and the results came back that it couldn't be properly tested for one reason or another. At this point we were referred to a Fertility Dr in SLC, we made our appointment and then made the 4 hr drive to it. We performed another Semen Analysis the same day as our consultation and got the results while we were there. There should be millions of little sperm in one small sampling, and Darin had a wopping 20 live mobile sperm! We were also informed that Darin's testosterine levels were incredibly low, and this would be why his energey levels were so low etc.
We were then told that he had a Varicaseal on his testicle, and this could be fixed quite simply, and may solve our entire issue. Off we went to the Uroligist in Provo. We met with him once and scheduled the surgery, it was supposed to be an easy in and out procedure, so the very next day Jo was scheduled to have a bothersome tooth pulled at a Dentist specialist down the road. Good thing, we have wise and loving parents who not only know what's best for us, but fight for it as well. Nothing went according to plan. We left early in the morning for the surgery to Provo, Jo, Darin, and Jo's dad. Darin was taken into surgery, and after about double the time we had been told he'd be in, the Dr came out to discuss. They had found a hernia as well, and in repairing the hernia, the testicle in question was without blood for quite a long time. The chance that he would lose the testicle was higher that originally thought. Darin had a rough time coming out of the surgery and they kept him overnight. The next morning a quick visit to the hospital, and Jo was rushed off to have her tooth extracted. After that procedure it was back to the hospital to pick up the waiting and in pain Darin. At this point, we were so thankful Jo's dad had insisted on escorting us for this endeavor, because we both slept through the entire trip home. What was supposed to be a quick maybe 2 days off, was a full 6 week recovery time.
Then the waiting began, a full 6 months of waiting to let the surgery work and run it's course.
We went back to the fertility Dr for another Semen Analysis and was told that Darin had in fact lost a testicle, but no worries, you only need one to get a baby! The count had stayed about the same, no major changes. So we met with a nurse to go over the entire In-Vetro process! Although we both had insurance the entire process would not be covered. HOW? WHAT? WHEN? WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO? This all went through our minds. How do you come with this kind of money, and up front as well? What are these technical terms this woman keeps saying? When can all of this happen, we so desperately want a baby? What are we going to do, are we going to be able to pull this off? Off we went, totally overwhelmed with information, and lost in our own thoughts of dispair, and not sure how to really talk about it with each other, let alone others.
In figuring out the money part of our situation, Jo started to have some health problems, and was seeing Dr after Dr trying to get it all figured out. Basically it was problem after problem, struggle after struggle! Very frustrating! However, we trudged on through the problems, because we both believe that things happen for a reason, when they are supposed to happen.
When we made the move to North Dakota, we both felt so strongly that it was where we were supposed to be, so off we went. We both have good jobs with Insurance. Jo's employers are incredibly supportive of helping us with the issues, that they have said they will help out with days off for the Dr's visits, time off for the procedure's and so on, which has helped incredibly since it is a travel to the nearest Dr, and there is so much involved.
At the beginning of May we had our appointment for another yearly for Jo, again we both went to talk about the fertility and get some insight and opinions. The dr referred us to a Fertility clinic in Fargo, who meets with patients in Bismark. We got our appointment set up, and off we went to Bismark for the afternoon. We were ecstatic to feel completely at ease with this Dr, and as he talked about the process and listened to our concerns, we felt this was it, it was time! It had been some time since Darin's last Semen Analysis, so the Dr wanted this repeated, as well as a class about In-Vetro at his clinic and so forth. We got scheduled for the next available date and went to Fargo (a 4 hr drive) for both. We felt so strongly that this was our time, we got all the insurance information taken care of, and we learned that it was going to be covered by both companies, we of course couldn't be happier about this news. On the way back to Dickinson from Fargo, we received a phone call from Dr. Christensen (our new fertility Dr), it's never a good thing when the Dr himself calls, right? Well, it wasn't good news. Darin's test had come back with NO live sperm, initially this meant that he couldn't be the donor. However, the Dr felt strongly about some other tests being performed and Darin's bloodwork being ran as well. He'd call us back shortly with more results. This was on a Thursday, and we had a very agonizing weekend before we heard from him again. It's official, there is no longer a count for Darin, the Dr has spoken with yet another Uroligist and together they feel very strongly that a Byopsy of the Testicle is needed and the sooner the better. The good news is, the Testosterone levels are back up in the normal range, however Darin is still having some severe symptoms of low testosterone, which they can't treat until we know more about the sperm count. The Dr has discontinued Darin's medication, as it may be counteracting the count, by bringing up the levels. Another 4-6 weeks to know if it's changing things!
We are in the process of making this appointment, and are waiting for a phone call back from the Uroligist. Some of you, like us may be wondering what exactly will be byopsied, and what it will tell them, let us explain. Darin will be put to sleep, and they will take a sample directly from the Testicle, this will then be analyzed to see if there is any sperm there. Basically, if his body is making Sperm. If they find it, there is a blockage somewhere, if not Darin fathering children has become a Dream not a goal.
We had very high hopes of not involving our family in this process, not because of how wonderfully supportive they all are, but because we wanted to be able to surprise everyone with, GUESS WHAT!!!! We have decided that with this added difficulty we need all the support we can get. We are trying to stay positive, and we both know that there is still the possibility of Donor Eggs usage, or Adoption. Both of which is not something that we consider to be ideal for us. We wanted the chance to have a baby together, a baby that is both of ours. Don't get me wrong, both of these instances would give us a child that we would treasure and love deeply, but when your goal has always been to be a parent, you feel as though a part of you is being taken away with the knowledge we have just been given.
As we stated before, we have tried so hard to remain positive and upbeat about this entire process. As Jo likes to say, we are being thrown this for a reason, let's make the most of it and run! However the unknown that lay ahead of us right now is proving to be very trying. The thought of being let down over and over with adoption, or not knowing the person that donated an egg to us is very scary. It gets hard also, when we hear the wonderful news of our friends having babies, again, don't get us wrong, it's so exciting and we wouldn't dream of holding it against you or having ill feelings about it. But, we do continue to ask, why it must be so hard?!?!?!
We are not looking for your sympathy, your understanding (unless you've been through this process you can't possibly comprehend it.) We are however asking for you to keep our situation in your thoughts, your prayers and in the back of your mind, when you meet someone without children, please don't let your first question be, why you don't have kids? or when will you begin your family?
Infertility is very common and through this process we have learned of quite a few people who have conceived using In-Vetro, this however doesn't mean it's easy to deal with or talk about!
We plan to keep you updated on our journey as best we can, please be patient with us, and this news came to us about two weeks, and our closest family just found out late this week. It takes time for us to digest and come to terms with the information we are given before we can even dream of spreading it.

All our love!